Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And then he peed in my hair
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