Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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