dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
