Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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