so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we're making bets on your personal life
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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