Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
They have beer where we have blood.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
