so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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