She's JV to your varsity
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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