Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
