She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
