Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
