So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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