You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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