do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
