Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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