What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
