What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize