pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
