he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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