I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
