She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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