So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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