heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
