I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
