currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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