I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
