If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
