Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
