he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
