You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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