she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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