My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
