haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
