I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
