I think I won the penis lottery.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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