what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
