Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
