Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We're too hungover to prance.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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