she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
