They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
