I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
