so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
