I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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