I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
