If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
