Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
