I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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