Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
