You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
