I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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