Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
