Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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